MINCRAFT.EXE.666.BLOOD EDITION ROUND 2'

Fortunately I didn't realy die for the rest of my life, my neighbours heard me shitting myself and screaming and called the police they found me in a pool of diarrhoea with ducks drawn all over my face with the same hyperrealistic black marker that was on that cursed cartridge.
The hospital had managed to sow my ass back on but they made a mistake they mistook my ass for boobs and sown it onto my chest, I will never be the same again, when they told me what happened something snapped inside me and in the back of my mind dark things told me to kill them all...
THREE DAYS LATER
I was watching cat videos on my computer when my phone when my phone went off I picked it up it sad that I had a text and I looked at it but there was no text BUT WHO WAS PHONE!!! I still don't know to this day.
I decided to go to bed, and I had the weirdest dream I was in hell with all of the demons twerking at me with asses sown shut, I was triggered, then I woke up covered in hyperrealistic ketchup, I had pissed myself, i had gotten a text, it was from satan
Satan: TONIGHT YOU WILL DINE
I was confused for moments but then another text came through
Satan: whoops autocorrect, TONIGHT YOU WILL DIE!! MWAHAHAHAA!
I read the time, it was 12:01 am
I texted back 
Me:but isn't it technically early morning?
Satan: fuck....
My phone ran out of batterys then I went back to sleep I wondered what would happen next...